Back to my roots

I left civilization late Friday evening to go back to the country and visit my high school best friend. As some of you may know, I am a redneck hiding in the guise of a cosmopolitan gal. As Kevin and Bean on KROQ would attest, the Inland Empire is the Valley of the dirt people. Yes, I was a "dirt person" at one point and time in my life. We've all heard those jokes by Jeff Foxworthy about "you just might be a redneck if..." Well, the Inland Empire hicks are a slightly different breed...I would know....I'm still one at heart. How does one become an Inland Empire redneck??? Here are some pointers for you "city folks":

1) The one genre of music that everyone can agree upon is country music. Try listening to musicians like Trisha Yearwood, Tim McGraw, Dixie Chicks, Shania Twain, Alan Jackson. Hip-hop/rap will get you shot out here....unless it's Eminem.
2) Don't pave your driveway. Keep it as a dirt driveway. Who needs concrete when you have dirt?
3) Get a big truck. This will help you maneuver over your yard to park your car. It's also handy for off-roading in your neighborhood since not all the roads have been built yet.
4) Smoke cigarettes. This is even better if you're barefoot and pregnant.
5) Gain lots of weight if you're a woman because you need that extra padding for when your husband beats you.
6) Super Wal-Mart is the most exciting thing happening in town so you go to the grand opening! In-N-Out is opening in TWO yrs so that's another exciting thing to look forward to!
7) Check out the 16yr old girls at Wal-Mart....even though you're a 30+ yr old male.
8) Leave beer cans in your front yard, which consists of dirt....of course.
9) Homo sapien? Are you calling me a homosexual???
10) Temecula, CA is considered "the city". What the hell is LA then?

All I can say is that I am glad to be out of the Inland Empire. Although, I must say that there is something charming about the simple lifestyle that is free from all the pretentiousness that is LA and any other major metropolitan areas.