The Oscars, of course

As much as I love good movies and good acting, I just can't get as excited as some people do about the Oscars. Maybe it's because I grew up near LA. Maybe it's because I'm cynical. Who knows why? I guess I like living my life more than I like to live vicariously through other people...then again, that's just me...

Some people even throw Oscar watching parties! Yay! I'm going to have people over to watch the Oscars and ooh and aahh over all the celebrities who are like demigods. That's demi as in partly, not demi as in Demi Moore. I can serve various crudites and champagne.

I would love nothing more than engaging my Sunday evening with several hours of a mind-numbing awards ceremony. I always love all the anticipation these networks build into the ceremony...."and the best picture award goes to....." [drum roll]

How many different categories do we need to have anyway? Best animated short film? Best animated feature film? Best musical score as opposed to a best musical song? Why not include best hairstyle? They have costume design and makeup, so why not hair? I understand that we have to recognize all the people who work behind the scenes so why not include "best camera man"? What about "best caterer" and "best personal assistant" and "best community that had to deal with the shooting day in and day out for several weeks"? If we really want to recognize all those people who work behind the scenes, we should include them all, not just a few categories!

Although, I must say that I am not displeased with this year's winners...and that's a wrap! Sorry, had to do that.... ;-)

Contemplating life...

Contemplating life...eat bugs or fruit??

Need a date??

Forget match.com or eharmony.com! If you are really looking for the true love of your life, no need to look further....

The Pampered Prisoner via David.

Attached vs. detached earlobes

MA and I were having a discussion last night about the difference between attached earlobes and detached earlobes. She apparently is very discriminatory against attached earlobes. They are disturbing to her. She shudders at the sight of them. It made me wonder if she would have been my friend if I had attached earlobes. She stated that she would probably still be friends with me, but would have a hard time keeping her eyes off my lobes.
Now I'm obsessed with earlobes. I find myself looking at everyone's ears now. I'm curious as to whether or not I'm a carrier of the attached earlobe gene. I'm sure I am. I guess there are worse genes to carry around - like sickle cell anemia or something. Then again, I'm not African American so I don't really have to worry about that.
Genes are funny things like that. Sometimes you get a recessive gene that presents itself out of nowhere and other times, it's all about the dominant genes. I'm all dominant except for my elbows. I have double jointed elbows. Weird, huh?

Hydroplaning is fun!

Southern California has received 3 times the average annual amount of precipitation in the past 4 months! We've had about 30 inches of rain since October 2004. We are currently in the middle of another big storm and I'm sure we've gotten another 10 inches in the past 4 days. Driving on the freeways with crazy drivers is bad enough, but when you add 30-40 inches of rain, you never want to get on the road again!
It has been raining non-stop for the past 4 days and there is a lot of water out there. As we drove back from Mammoth last night, we must have passed a flooded sign every mile or so. What is hydroplaning? It's when your car is basically gliding over the water because there is no traction. One would think that in a 4WD SUV, this would not be a huge problem. Well, apparently, when the water levels are about 1-2ft deep, it doesn't matter what kind of car you drive. You need a boat!
Who needs roller coasters when you can get cheap thrills from hydroplaning all over the place and fearing a head-on collision???

Epic conditions at Mammoth

With all this unusually high rainfall that we've had in Southern California, it can only mean one thing. You guessed it! SNOW!!! Lots of it! We're talking 2ft of snow every 24hrs! Soft, powdery snow that makes it really hard to walk through when it is waist high!
We left all the miserable, rain soaked, congested freeways of L.A. to be greeted with beautiful, fresh snow and semi-clear skies!
Sat. morning, we were greeted with intermittent sunlight and a dusting of snow all day long. The top of the mountain was beautiful at 27 degrees with 10-30mph winds! Of course, it didn't stay that nice all day which is why the top got shut down around noon, but we had already "been there, done that...." We spent the afternoon on the fun runs around Goldrush Express and Chair 8. The conditions were truly epic and something that I don't think I'll ever see in my lifetime again. As EP would say "If I had died and gone to heaven and was told that I can create the most desirable conditions to board in, this is it!" I love Mammoth.
Ever notice how snowboarders and surfers mingle with the same crowd? The speech pattern is very similar as well. Of course, it could be that most of them are stoners and that could have something to do with the way people talk.
"Hey man, can you take out the trash?"
"Sure, no problem, bro."
"Hey bro, can you hand me my goggles?"
"Sure, dude."
I think that boarding all day and then watching "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" makes you realize the similarities between the two crowds more than ever.

Happy Post Valentine's Day

I'm sure there were plenty of people out there blogging on Valentine's Day. I like being different (and besides, I was busy) so I thought I would pen a haiku to the day AFTER Valentine's Day. The 15th of February just doesn't get enough love. It's an anti-climactic day.

Post Valentine's Day
No one really cares or knows
Yearns for attention.

Health Risk Assessment

My company has recently partnered up with the Mayo Clinic to "provide interactive healthy living for its employees". Basically, this means that my company is trying to make it into Fortune's "100 Best Companies to Work For" for next year since we didn't make it for 2004. I wonder why??? (comments from the peanut gallery has been suppressed)
I decided to take the health risk assessment since we get a $100 credit towards our health insurance premium! Isn't it funny that we live in a society where a company has to lure its employees with money to convince us that it's in our best interest to assess our own health??

The first thing that this assessment asks about is alcohol use. Hmmm...I think I failed that one miserably. Apparently, I might have a drinking problem. I guess waking up and having to make myself a COCKtail (it is the year of the rooster) was construed as a sign of alcoholism.
The next part asks about my exercise habits. I thought that walking to my car and back was enough exercise? That damn test claims that I need more exercise! How does it know whether I walk at a 3mph pace or a 8mph pace?? Did they take that into consideration???
It then proceeds to ask about my cholestrol level and my eating habits. Whatever happened to the good 'ol American diet of meat and potatoes daily??? Who needs vegetables and fruits? Homo sapiens have incisors for ripping meat, silly!
Do you know your triglyceride level? I certainly didn't because I'm not a doctor!!! Why would this test ask questions that my doctor would know?

After spending 10 minutes answering cookie cutter questions with cookie cutter answers, I feel so much more confident about my physical health! I can move forward knowing that I am reasonably healthy enough to continue my daily existence without changing a single thing!

Phantom fundraisers

I went to my Sandpipers meeting the other day and we had a roundtable discussion. One of the things that was brought up was the idea of having phantom fundraisers. What is a phantom fundraiser, you ask? Well, I'm glad that you did! I was wondering the same thing!
Basically, you hold a phantom event. That's right, an event that doesn't exist. For example, we could hold a phantom wine tasting event where tickets are $100/person. This way, people get to donate money to an organization they support without the stress of attending the event and our non-profit organization would get the money to support our causes without any overhead costs.
Now, is it just me or is this totally a silly idea? Why not just ask people for monetary donations without going into this whole creative theme of having a phantom wine tasting? I guess if there was no phantom event, the creative people in the organization, who have too much time on their hands, would have nothing to do. This way, they get to create a whole committee and brainstorm fun ideas for phantom events:

1) Phantom Benefit Concert - Tickets for this event will be $400/person with Ticketmaster charges of $1000/person.
2) Phantom Beer & Wine Tasting - You still wake up with a hangover the next morning.
3) Phantom Golf Tournament - Everyone will get a fancy certificate indicating their score of 69.
4) Phantom Texas Hold 'Em Tournament - Who needs poker night or Vegas when you can "play" in a phantom tournament?
5) Phantom Masquerade Ball - All dressed up with no place to go has never held more true.
6) Phantom Art Gallery Exhibit - You can tell all your friends about the up-and-coming new artist whose work is only being shown to a select few...like the people that reside in your head.
7) Phantom Run for Charity - You get to tell your doctor that you ran in a 10K so your heart is obviously feeling better.
8) Phantom Garage Sale - All that junk that you had in your garage that you wanted to get rid of is still sitting in your garage.
9) Phantom Fashion Show - Includes the newest fashion trend, a la Tara Reid at P-Diddy's Party.
10) Phantom Benefit Dinner - You didn't really need all those calories anyway...

Hey, come to think of it...let's just all have phantom lives. Maybe we can have phantom jobs where we make phantom income and buy phantom clothes with phantom money. I wonder how that would all work???

Running a 10K

Every year, the city of Redondo Beach is host to one of the largest SuperBowl Sunday 10Ks in the state of California, if not the entire country. About 9,000 people come to participate in this annual ritual of starting the day with a healthy run that ends with a beer garden, sponsored by Asahi beer. Yes, they give you FREE BEER! How often does that happen? For $23, you get to run in a fun 10K, get a long-sleeve shirt, and 2 beers!
A group of my friends and I decided to run in the 10K this year. Just in case you didn't know, a 10K = 6.2 miles (hey, this way you don't have to google 10K to see how far that is). I don't know about you, but running is something for which you train...at least that's the "normal" way of thinking. Most people start to train about 1-2 months before a race and some people start before that, depending on their fitness level. Most people prepare for a race by carbo-loading the night before. Most people get a good night's rest.
Well, as many of you know, I'm not a "normal" person and I have found the key to running a 10K without any difficulties! Here are some tips which I found to be particularly helpful this past weekend:
1) Run around ragged all day, the day before the race.
2) Start drinking at 6pm the night before so that by 1am of race day, you can't tell your left from your right.
3) Smoke whatever you can....tobacco, 420, crack cocaine if you must....smoke is so good for your lungs!
4) Carbo-load....by eating buffalo wings, quesadillas, and other fried foods.
5) Get 4 hrs of drunken sleep and hope that you don't sleep through the alarm.

Now get out there and run that race!!!

Meat (meet?) market

No, it is not a carniceria. Although, if you were in a Spanish speaking country, that's how you would translate it.
I'm talking about my gym - the Spectrum Club. First of all, Manhattan Beach tends to be a magnet for some of the most attractive people in all of L.A.! I've never seen so many MILFs in my life!! What would be the male equivalent? DILF? Well, there are plenty of those as well! ;-)
I don't know about you, but I like going to the gym to WORK OUT. Isn't that the main purpose of a gym anyway? Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my gym! It is a beautiful place that is over 100,000 square feet in size with a locker room that looks like Burke Williams spa! We even have a bar, clothing store, and massage/facials day spa on-site. Yes, it's a pretty penny, but I wouldn't change gyms for the world!
I was on the treadmill the other day and a girl was on the elliptical machine in front of me. A good looking guy comes up and gets on the one next to her and before you know it - we have Cupid shooting an arrow. I guess if you're going to meet someone, you might as well meet them at the gym instead of the bars because at least you're going to remember what they look like the next morning.

Iraqi election

According to Chuck Henry, the co-anchor for channel 4 news in the Los Angeles area, there was a "historical erection in Iraq". This happened last night so I'm just waiting to see what will be popping up (no pun intended) on the Internet on this in the next 24-48 hrs. Has that ever happened to you? You intended to say one thing, but a different word pops out of your mouth before you have time to correct yourself? Embarrassing for the person who uses the wrong word, but it's really funny to those all around! :)

I'm going to get serious here for a bit. Don't worry, it won't last long...

They say that 60% of the Iraqi nationals came out to vote yesterday. That's about the same percentage as we have here in the U.S. Don't you find it sad that we live in a free country where you don't have to watch your back as you go to the polls and yet, people don't take the time out of their day to vote??? We complain if we have to wait in line more than 15 minutes at our polling stations!! The Iraqis were risking their lives by going to the polls. Granted, they have to watch their backs everyday regardless of the election day, but still....

Well, that's my political thought for the day. Who would have thought that I would actually blog about something a bit more profound??? Shh!!! Don't tell anyone!!!